From Chaos to Clarity: Parenting as a Path to Presence

On listening deeper, softening control, and staying human in the messy moments.

The noodles were boiling over, the phone was ringing, and I was holding a baby on each hip while trying to make eye contact with my toddler, who had collapsed into a full-blown meltdown because I poured his cereal into the wrong bowl.

In that moment, everything felt loud. The kind of loud that’s not just about sound, but about needs—urgent, emotional, competing needs, all happening at once. My instinct was to rush, to fix it, to get past the chaos. But I crouched down, softened my voice, and said, “You really wanted the blue bowl today. That’s hard, huh?”

Nothing huge shifted on the outside, but something softened between us. He took a breath. We found each other again.

Moments like that, repeated a hundred different ways, have changed me. Parenting three young children—including twins—has become the most immersive emotional training I’ve ever experienced. It has stretched, deepened, and refined how I show up not only as a parent but also as a coach. And maybe you’ve experienced this too—how one role in life begins to transform the others.

So often, what people need isn’t a solution, but full presence of another human.

Presence in the Chaos

So often, what people need, whether they’re three years old or thirty, isn’t a solution, but presence. Someone to witness their experience without trying to rush it away.

Maybe you’ve had your own version of this. The moment where everything feels like too much, but somehow you stay. You take a breath. You offer kindness instead of control. Those small, quiet moments of staying present—especially in the midst of chaos—are the ones that change us and our relationships the most.

Holding Space with Compassion

In our house, big feelings are daily visitors. Frustration, sadness, and silliness arrive uninvited. I’ve learned not to push them away. Instead, I try to meet them. To be a calm presence in the storm. Not to fix, but to be with.

This is what I bring to my coaching. A steady presence. A willingness to sit with what’s real, even when it’s messy or unclear. The reminder that you don’t need to rush toward resolution, instead you get to be human first.

If you’re navigating something challenging right now—personally or professionally—I wonder:

What would it be like to meet yourself with the same compassion you might offer a child? Not to excuse behavior or avoid growth, but to soften the edges. To see the need beneath the behaviour.

Presence as a gift and a practice

Gentle Practices That Might Support You, Too

If you’re feeling stretched, in parenting, work, or life, here are useful practices:

1. Commit to "Single-Task Listening: When someone speaks, whether it’s your child, partner, or a colleague, practice listening without planning your response. Just listen to listen. Even a few minutes of truly single-tasking builds deeper connection and trust.

2. Use Small Physical Anchors to Stay Present: Anchor yourself with a physical cue—such as lightly pressing your thumb and forefinger together, placing a hand over your heart, or feeling your feet on the floor—while you’re listening. It’s a simple way to remind your body to stay grounded when your mind wants to drift.

3. Allow Natural Pauses Before Responding: After someone finishes speaking, pause for a breath or two before you reply. It signals that you’re really absorbing their words and it often encourages them to share more deeply. Silence isn’t awkward; it’s sacred space.

4. Create "Attention Windows" in Your Day: Instead of trying to be endlessly available, set small windows of time where you offer full presence. “For the next ten minutes, I’m all yours.” Short, focused pockets of attention can feel more satisfying than being distracted and available over hours.

Whether I’m holding space for my kids or a coaching client, that’s the heart of it all: being fully present, offering calm in the chaos, and trusting that presence alone can be a powerful first step toward change.