Is seeking external help like mediation or coaching a sign of weakness or failure?

Conflicts and challenges are a natural part of all areas of life. The strongest conflicts often occur with the people we are most meaningfully connected to, as their words and actions elicit strong emotions. Conflict coaching or mediation is an investment and active step in restoring these important relations. Similarly, it is natural to face obstacles when attempting to reach goals or during a process of change.

It is a positive sign of self-awareness to recognise your own limits in solving particular issues, and seeking help is a courageous and admirable step. On the contrary, it might be seen as a “failure” to merely settle and suffer from the adverse impacts of an issue instead of actively trying to improve the situation.

If the other party refuses to engage in mediation, what are my options?

In cases where joint sessions are not an option, individual mediation sessions can be highly effective as well. They help in gaining more clarity regarding one’s own triggers, needs and feelings around an issue. This awareness assists in exploring behavioural strategies and steps. Additionally, reflecting on others’ perspectives helps prepare constructive discussions.

If one person changes their behaviour it naturally triggers different responses from others. These changes might require time as old patterns might be influential and persistent. However, relationships are dynamic and if one side changes it forms a new way of engaging with each other.

How can mediation/coaching be effective if no advice is given to parties?

Many clients initially think that they need external advice to fix the issues they are experiencing. While this might be suitable in some circumstances it often carries the risk of people being less committed to the changes as they do not fully identify with them. Mediation or coaching, on the other hand, give you the chance to actively participate in the solution process, and in turn build a solid basis for solving future issues.

Coaches/mediators actively guide the process: we listen empathetically and paraphrase your statements to support you in refocusing on needs and feelings. We reflect back to you what we perceive and help you to break down the issue. We help you explore new behavioural strategies and different perspectives on the issue with you. These steps empower you to develop a new awareness of yourself and others, and of available resources and options.

The confidential and structured setting often enables a deeper and more open discussion as clients feel safe knowing that they will be given the time and space to express themselves fully without being judged.

Does mediation work?

Mediation is highly effective and is a well-established form of alternative conflict resolution in many countries. In some cases it is even legally required before a court will examine a case. Obviously, everybody uses the service differently and defines a successful outcome in their personal way. For some it is enough to get a conversation started, while others might need a tangible plan with specific action points. Mediation is always open ended so the outcomes are different in every case and, vary depending on the specific circumstances. Importantly, as engaging in mediation is voluntary, we critically rely on parties truly wanting to make a change.

We acknowledge that clients are the experts on their situation, thus, no solutions are imposed on them. This makes it much more likely for identified solutions to be sustainable and realistic.

How many mediation sessions do I need?

Mediation is a process, not a one-stop fix. Thus, usually several sessions are needed. As mediation is so widely applicable the length relies on the specific situation. It is important to be mindful that issues have developed over time, similarly, change is gradual and happens over time and not immediately.

Do I have to be open with all my feelings?

For many people it might be daunting to be open with their feelings – both towards the mediator and the other party. We do our very best to create a safe atmosphere. We will always respect your choice as to what you feel comfortable sharing, and will never pressure you. Naturally, being open makes it easier for the other party to empathise with you but mediation is a process and you decide where to take it and how to use it.

When can I go to mediation?

Mediation can be used at different (escalation) stages in a conflict and can also be very effective as a preventative tool, e.g. to build a stable base for a marriage or a collaboration basis for a new team. Even in highly escalated conflicts it can still be helpful. It is frequently combined with other forms of support such as those provided by social services, therapists and groups dealing with anger, substance misuse and the like. We will do our best to coordinate the support you receive to avoid duplication.

Importantly, mediation strongly relies on you truly wanting to make a change so this would need to be the case when contacting a mediator. Prior to committing to any sessions we will always have a free initial consultation to ensure that mediation is the right type of support for you.

Is the mediation agreement binding?

No, in the case of our service it is not binding as we are not qualified lawyers, thus, agreements are made in good faith. If needed, we are happy to draft a written document listing the agreed-upon action steps, which a lawyer can use as a basis for drafting a legally binding agreement.

What happens after mediation?

After having agreed upon action steps, we offer you to have review sessions, when we check in to explore how things have been going and in which areas you might still be struggling. We then determine what you would like to continue doing, and which strategies might need tweaking or additional options.

Does coaching work?

Coaching is a highly effective and well-established form of support for professional and private matters. As coaches do not give suggestions the success critically relies on clients engaging and actively wanting to make a change. Obviously, everybody uses the service differently and defines a successful outcome in their personal way. Coaching is so powerful because it helps clients activate their inner strengths, take full advantage of their resources and identify manageable action strategies.

We acknowledge that clients are the experts on their situation, thus, no solutions are imposed on them. This makes it much more likely for identified solutions to be sustainable and realistic.

When can I go to coaching?

Coaching can be used in a range of scenarios and at different points of the development of an issue. Thus, as long as you feel you need some support to reach you goals coaching can be right for you. Importantly, coaching is only effective if you are at the stage that you actively want to change the situation. Prior to committing to any sessions we will always have a free initial consultation to ensure that coaching is the right type of support for you.

Can I really change my whole communication style through training?

Since childhood people’s communication style is continuously evolving as they are exposed to different situations. We acknowledge that changing your communication patterns can take some time and practice. Our communication workshops use hands-on exercises and role plays to enable a smooth transfer into everyday life. The workshops provide you with a toolkit so that you have more options with regards to your response in any given situation. With time you will become more confident in choosing the right tools and adapt them, where needed.

The training is a powerful way to heighten your awareness of what can be achieved through different ways of communicating. While it equips you with a toolkit—a good base to always fall back on—it is not a one-stop fix. We are happy to offer follow-up workshops to discuss challenging situations that arose in the meantime and structure exercises around them.