Question 1

Is seeking external help like mediation or coaching a sign of weakness or failure?

Accepted Answer

Conflicts and challenges are a natural part of life in all areas. The strongest conflicts often occur with the people we are most meaningfully connected to. Their words and actions elicit strong emotions. Conflict coaching or mediation is an investment and active step in restoring these important relations. 
Similarly, it is natural to face obstacles when going through transitions, like getting married or having a child. 
It is a positive sign of self-awareness to recognise your limits in solving particular issues, and seeking help is a courageous and admirable step. On the contrary, it might be seen as a “failure” to merely settle and suffer from the adverse impacts of an issue, instead of actively trying to improve the situation.

Question 2

If the other person refuses to engage in mediation, what are my options?

Accepted Answer

In cases where joint sessions are not feasible, individual mediation sessions can also be highly effective. They help in gaining more clarity regarding one’s triggers, needs, and feelings around an issue. This awareness facilitates the exploration of behavioral strategies and steps. Additionally, reflecting on others’ perspectives helps prepare for constructive discussions.
If one person changes their behavior, it naturally triggers different responses from others. These changes might require time, as old patterns might be persistent. However, relationships are dynamic, and if one side changes, it forms a new way of engaging with each other.

Question 3

How can mediation/coaching be effective if no advice is given to participants?

Accepted Answer

Many clients initially think that they need external advice to fix the issues they are experiencing. While this might be suitable in some circumstances, it often carries the risk of people being less committed to the changes as they do not fully identify with them. Mediation or coaching, on the other hand, gives you the chance to actively participate in the solution process, and in turn builds a solid basis for solving future issues.
Coaches/mediators actively guide the process: I listen empathetically and paraphrase your statements to support you in refocusing on needs and feelings. I reflect back to you what I perceive and help you break down the issue. I help you explore new behavioural strategies and different perspectives on the issue. These steps empower you to develop a new awareness of yourself and others, as well as the available resources and options.
The confidential and structured setting often enables a deeper and more open discussion, as clients feel safe knowing that they will be given the time and space to express themselves fully without fear of judgment.

Question 4

Does mediation work?

Accepted Answer

Mediation is a highly effective and well-established form of alternative conflict resolution in many countries. In some cases, it is even legally required before a court will examine a case. Everybody uses the service differently and defines a successful outcome in their personal way.

For some, it is enough to initiate a conversation, while others may require a tangible plan with specific action points. Mediation is always open-ended, so the outcomes vary in every case and depend on the particular circumstances. Significantly, as engaging in mediation is voluntary, I critically rely on you truly wanting to make a change.
I acknowledge that clients are the experts on their situations; therefore, no solutions are imposed on them. This makes it much more likely for identified solutions to be sustainable and realistic.

Question 5

How many mediation sessions do I need?

Accepted Answer

Mediation is a process, not a one-stop fix. Thus, usually several sessions are needed. As mediation is so widely applicable, the length relies on the specific situation. It is essential to be aware that issues have developed over time; similarly, change is gradual and occurs over time, not immediately.

Question 6

Do I have to be open with all my feelings?

Accepted Answer

For many people, being open with their feelings, both towards the mediator and the other person, can be daunting. I do my very best to create a safe atmosphere. I will always respect your choice about what you feel comfortable sharing, and I will never pressure you. Naturally, being open makes it easier for the other person to empathise with you, but mediation is a process, and you decide where to take it and how to use it.

Question 7

When can I go to mediation?

Accepted Answer

Mediation can be used at different (escalation) stages in a conflict and can also be very effective as a preventative tool, e.g., to build a stable base for a marriage. It is frequently combined with other forms of support, such as those provided by social services, therapists, and groups dealing with anger, substance misuse, and the like. I will do my best to coordinate the support you receive to avoid duplication.
Significantly, mediation strongly relies on you genuinely wanting to make a change, so this must be the case when contacting a mediator. Before committing to any sessions, I offer a complimentary initial consultation to ensure that mediation is the correct type of support for you.

Question 8

Is the mediation agreement binding?

Accepted Answer

No, in the case of my service, it is not binding as I am not a lawyer. Thus, agreements are made in good faith. If needed, I am happy to draft a written document listing the agreed-upon action steps, which a lawyer can use as a basis for drafting a legally binding agreement.

Question 9

What happens after mediation?

Accepted Answer

After we have agreed upon action steps, I invite you to review sessions, where we explore how things have been going and identify any areas where you might still be struggling. We then determine what you would like to continue doing and which strategies might need tweaking or additional options.

Question 10

Does coaching work?

Accepted Answer

Coaching is a highly effective and well-established form of support for professional and private matters. As a coach, I do not give suggestions. Thus, the success critically relies on clients engaging and actively wanting to make a change. Everybody uses the service differently and defines a successful outcome in their own way. Coaching is so powerful because it helps you activate your inner strengths, take full advantage of your resources, and identify manageable action strategies.
I acknowledge that you are the expert on your situation. Thus, no solutions are imposed on you. This makes it much more likely for identified solutions to be sustainable and realistic.

Question 11

When can I go to coaching?

Accepted Answer

Coaching can be applied in various scenarios and at different stages of an issue's development. Thus, as long as you feel you need some support to reach your goals, coaching can be right for you. Importantly, coaching is only effective if you are at the stage where you actively want to change the situation. Before committing to any sessions, I offer a complimentary initial consultation to ensure that coaching is the right type of support for you.

Question 12

Can I really change my whole communication style through training?

Accepted Answer

Since childhood, people’s communication style has continuously evolved as they are exposed to different situations. I acknowledge that changing your communication patterns can take some time and practice. My communication workshops utilize hands-on exercises and role-plays to facilitate a seamless transition into everyday life. The workshops provide you with a toolkit, allowing you to have more options regarding your response in any given situation. With time, you will become more confident in choosing the right tools and adapting them, where needed.  
The training is a powerful way to heighten your awareness of what can be achieved through various forms of communication. While it equips you with a toolkit—a good base to always fall back on—it is not a one-stop solution. I am happy to offer follow-up workshops to discuss any challenging situations that have arisen in the meantime and structure exercises around them.

Question 13

How much does mediation/coaching cost?

Accepted Answer

Mediation and coaching are processes. It takes time to reflect, explore, and unpick a topic. Furthermore, in between sessions, important work also happens: putting agreed steps into practice, completing reflection or connection exercises, etc

Therefore, I do not offer individual sessions.
 
A package of three sessions costs: 250EUR plus 19% German VAT
A package of five sessions costs: 400EUR plus 19% German VAT

Frequently asked questions